Interplanetary Wresling Entertainment
by Sakura Aloni
Summary: Our beloved Enterprise crew are not Starfleet officers, but wrestlers in the IPWE!


A/N: This was written as a prompt on the STXI Kink Meme on Livejournal this was the prompt:

_Maybe World Wrestling Entertainment is still around 200 years from now (come on, you know it totally will be) and instead of joining Starfleet our lovely heroes decide to join Interplanetary Wrestling Entertainment? (The futuristic name for the WWE?)_

_Maybe they all join a group under veteran-wrestler!Pike and call themselves Enterprise. Or Kirk and Spock team up to raise some hell reminiscent to D-Generation X_

_Bonus points for:_  
><em>~Bones being a wrestler and not the backstage medic.<em>  
><em>~Chekov and Sulu as Tag Team Partners<em>  
><em>~Uhura v. Gaila catfight backstage for Scotty's affection.<em>  
><em>~Keenser as Scotty's ringside buddy ala Finlay &amp; Hornswaggle<em>  
><em>~Cupcake's ring name is Cupcake.<em>

_Pairings: would prefer_  
><em>SuluChekov_  
><em>SpockBones or Kirk/Bones_  
><em>ScottyUhura or Gaila_

Disclaimer: I don't own WWE or Star Trek, they belong to their respective owners

* * *

><p><strong>Interplanetary Wrestling Entertainment Headquarters: San Francisco, Earth. Stardate 2258.113 (April 23, 2258) 8 days before Extreme Rules<strong>

Jim Kirk stood outside the IPWE Headquarters on Earth, today he had a meeting with the CEO Chris Pike.

Jim walked in and went to Pike's office. "You wanted to see me, Sir?"

"Yes I did Kirk. How would you like a shot at the IPWE Title in a couple of weeks at Extreme Rules?" Pike asked.

Jim gaped, "With all due respect Mr. Pike, hell yes!"

"Good, you'll be in a match against Richards next week to find out who's the number one contender." The CEO said.

"You're giving Cupcake a shot at the title too?" Kirk stated with disbelief.

"It was McCoy's idea, he's never been in a match with either of you and figures either one of you would be a good match for him." Pike explained.

"Well, alright. What kind of match is it?"

"Your match with Richards or the title match?"

"Both."

"Your match with Richards is a singles match and the title match is a TLC match." Pike told him.

"I can live with that."

"Good, now get going, the shuttle leaves in 10 minutes." Pike said and Jim got up and left.

_~IPWE~_

**The city of New Shi'Kahr on New Vulcan, Stardate 2258.115 (April 25, 2258) 6 days before Extreme Rules**

Jim paced back and forth backstage waiting for his match to start.

"Hey kid, ya nervous?" Jim looked up when heard a Southern voice speaking to him.

Standing nearby in a suit was Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, the IPWE Championship belt slung casually over his shoulder. Spock, the only Vulcan wrestler on the roster, was standing next to the champion.

"Maybe, a little. This is a big deal. I've been wrestling for nearly three years and I've never had a title opportunity before." Jim said.

"You do not have the opportunity yet Kirk as you have yet to defeat Richards." Spock said.

"Yeah, I know, and I don't doubt I'll be able to beat Cupcake in a singles match. It's the TLC match I'm worried about. I've never been in one before." Jim said.

"Don't worry kid; I won't go easy on ya." McCoy smirked. "You had me goin' there Kirk. You're not one to be nervous about anything."

Jim laughed, "I can never pull one over on you Bones."

"Yet you try on several occasions, it is most perplexing." Spock arched an eyebrow.

"Ah, don't worry too much 'bout it darlin. Come on, we're up next. We get to sit and watch Jimmy and Cupcake go at it. It'll be interestin' to see which one comes out on top." McCoy laughed at his own joke as he and the Vulcan walked toward the ring entrance.

McCoy's music (Van Halen - Somebody Get Me A Doctor) streamed through the stadium's speakers as the announcer called out:

"Please welcome, from Atlanta Georgia, Earth he is the IPWE Champion, the Doctor of Destruction: Bones McCoy!"

A lot of the crowd (only a few were Vulcan) cheered, some booed.

"He is accompanied by his bondmate, Spock Surak of Vulcan." The announcer added as the two walked down the ramp to McCoy's music.

McCoy and Spock went over to the announcer's table and sat down, each putting on a headset.

"How do you feel about your upcoming TLC match next week at Extreme Rules?" One of the announcers asked McCoy.

"I'm pretty damn excited Gary, I think it's going to be a good match no matter who I'm up against." McCoy told him.

"Now for those of you who don't know, TLC stands for Tables, Ladders, and Chairs. The Championship Belt will be suspended above the ring and participants must climb a ladder to retrieve the belt. Whoever retrieves the belt first wins the match and is named champion." Gary Mitchell, one of the announcers, spoke to the camera.

Another song (Jace Everett - Bad Things) began and the crowd cheered.

"Making his way to the ring from Riverside Iowa Earth: Jim Kirk!"

Jim made his way down the ramp and into the ring, waving to the crowd and winking at the pretty ladies in the crowd no matter what species. Jim wore gold and black ring attire with stars on the boots and the butt of his shorts.

After Jim's music died down and another song (Trapt - Headstrong) began.

"The challenger, from the Alpha Centauri Colony, Cupcake!" Again, the crowd cheered.

Once Cupcake's music died down the bell rang and the match began.

"TLC matches can get pretty dangerous, are you worried for Bones at all, Spock?" The other announcer, a woman, said.

"Vulcans do not worry Miss Rand, and if I were able to I would not for Leonard's in ring ability is quite high. There is an 89.34 percent probability that Leonard will emerge victorious in six days, should he face Mr. Kirk and a 67.24 percent chance should his opponent be Cupcake." Spock said calmly.

"Whoa! Kirk's got Cupcake in a Sharpshooter!" Mitchell exclaimed, drawing their attention back to the match.

"Oooh but Cupcake broke free and ouch...that Backbreaker has _got_ to hurt." Rand commented with a wince.

The match went back and forth for quite some time until Jim finally pinned Cupcake for the three-count.

Jim smiled as the ref raised his arm in victory. Cupcake glared daggers as he limped up the ramp.

McCoy nodded slowly, "Just you an' me next week Jim-boy." He then took off the headset and left, Spock did the same, following his bondmate backstage.

_~IPWE~_

"I told you Monty loves me!" A dark skinned woman shouted to a green skinned Orion.

"Yea, he sure loved you just a few minutes ago when he was fucking me." The Orion threw back her head of fiery red hair and laughed.

The dark skinned woman growled and launched herself at the Orion. The two tumbled to the floor pulling hair and clawing at skin with sharp nails.

Jim, McCoy, and Spock walked by on their way to the locker room at that moment.

Jim and Spock quickly pulled the two women off each other.

"Just _what_ in the Sam Hill is goin' on here? I though y'all were friends?" McCoy looked at the two women.

"We _used_ to be, until I caught this two bit tramp in bed with my _ex_-boyfriend." The dark skinned diva spat.

"Gaila...you were sleeping with Scotty, but I thought we...?" Jim stared at the Orion woman.

"Well you told me yesterday you had an important match coming up and I didn't wanna tire you out so..." Gaila trailed off.

"So you started fucking my boyfriend!" Uhura tried to break out of Jim's grip but it was useless.

McCoy sighed, "You two keep 'em from killin' each other, I'm goin' to find Scotty." McCoy walked away and returned a short time later with the Scottish wrestler. Keenser, Scotty's green alien friend was right behind them.

"Now, what's this all about?" Scotty asked.

"Do you wanna explain to Nyota, just why you were with Jim's girlfriend?" McCoy asked with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Uh...I plead the fifth?" Scotty looked uneasy.

McCoy sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, "Ya know what, I don't give a damn what happened. Fix it. C'mon Spock, this ain't our concern."

"Indeed Leonard." Spock released his grip on Gaila and followed McCoy back to their locker room.

_~IPWE~_

"Darlin, I want ya to make me a promise." McCoy said to him once they were in the locker room, the cameras were trained on them now, having missed the two diva's fighting over Scotty.

"What is that promise Leonard?" Spock asked.

"Don't interfere in the match. I know ya don't like Jim all that well seein as he insulted yer mama a few months ago, but I can take care of myself in that ring. So promise me you won't interfere." McCoy said.

"I shall remain at my seat at the announcers table, but if Kirk does manage to gain the upper hand, I shall interfere on your behalf. He does not deserve the title as you have." Spock said.

"Ya know I love it when ya go all protective of me darlin', but this is my match I can do this. I don't want people to start thinkin' we're bonded just because I need a bodyguard. You an' I both know that ain't the case."

"Leonard, it does not matter to me what they say about us when we are not listening. It is all illogical drivel." Spock held up two fingers.

McCoy smiles and pressed his fingers to Spock's, then leaned in for a human kiss.

The camera crew left them after that.

_~IPWE~_

**Suraya Bay, Risa Stardate 2258.121 (May 1, 2258) Extreme Rules**

It was now the main event; the Tables, Ladders, and Chairs Match that would decide who would be the IPWE champion. Tables, ladders, and chairs were lying about as Jim and McCoy circled one another, waiting for the match to start.

The referee was about to have the bell rung when someone's theme music began (Chesney Hawkes - I am The One And Only) and Pike began walking down the ramp.

Both McCoy and Kirk looked at him, highly confused.

Pike lifted the mic to his lips and a rather uncharacteristic sadistic smile graced his lips.

"Spock, I heard about your promise to McCoy about not interfering in this match. Well, forget it. I am now mandating that this be a triple threat TLC match for the IPWE title and Spock, you're the third man. Ref, ring the bell!" Pike smirked and walked backstage.

"Sonova bitch." McCoy mumbled, watching as Spock quietly slipped into the ring as the ref rung the bell.

Jim immediately went to hammer away at Spock, knowing he was the stronger of the two, but McCoy met him halfway across the ring with a powerful clothesline.

Jim was up again in a heartbeat and Spock aimed a jab for his kidney. Jim was able to dodge and tried for a grapple.

McCoy came at him from behind and bashed Jim over the head with a chair.

"Leonard, I believe it would be logical for you to procure the belt while I keep Kirk busy." Spock suggested.

McCoy smiled, "Just nerve-pinch him when he gets up." McCoy then picked up a ladder and started to set it up after Spock nodded.

"It seems Pike's plan has backfired. I can't quite hear what they're saying, but I think the bondmates have made some sort of deal. McCoy's setting up a ladder and...Spock's just standing there. I think he might be waiting for Kirk to wake up." Mitchell said.

"I don't think Pike really thought this through." Rand said with a nod.

Jim shook his head as he got up, trying to clear it.

Spock began setting up a table.

Before Jim could completely get his bearings Spock lifted him up easily and put him through the table just as McCoy was beginning to climb the ladder he'd had a little trouble setting up.

"Oooh and there goes Kirk through the table, I think this is it Janice, McCoy is going to retain the title!" Mitchell said excitedly.

"And he's done it Gary! Bones McCoy has retained the IPWE championship!" Rand called over the din of the cheering crowd.

"Oh I'll bet Pike's seething backstage right now. This has got to be _the_ shortest TLC match in the history of the IPWE!" Mitchell said.

"Hold it! Hold it! That was _not_ a decent match!" Pike had come back out. "Someone get Kirk out of that ring and put the belt back up there. I want to see you two wrestle properly. Just because you two are bonded doesn't mean you can be sunshine and rainbows all the time!" With that, Pike left once again.

McCoy glared at Pike as the ref took his belt and hung it above the ring once more.

"I guess it don't matter which one of us wins, either way, we keep the belt. Pike's bein...dare I say it...illogical." McCoy smirked a little.

"Indeed. I assure you Leonard that I shall use my full abilities against you to procure the title." Spock said.

"Wouldn't have it any other way darlin'." McCoy said, grabbing the chair he had assaulted Jim with earlier and rushed Spock.

Spock moved out of the way and slammed his arm into McCoy's back with full force.

McCoy stumbled and hit the mat, losing his grip on the chair.

"My apologies, ashayam." Spock said and made McCoy stand.

Spock went for a suplex but McCoy was able to get out of it and hit Spock with a DDT.

"Yea, me too." McCoy knew it wouldn't be enough to keep Spock down so he grabbed his chair.

Before he could even raise it above his head he was speared to the mat.

McCoy felt his breath leave him and his head bounced a couple times off the mat.

Spock was off of him in a second, quickly climbing up the ladder.

McCoy managed to pull himself to his feet by the time Spock was halfway up and began to climb up the other side.

But he was too late. Spock had the belt unclipped and was holding it in the air, showing his victory.

McCoy couldn't help but smile. The two climbed down the ladder and McCoy held up Spock's arm in triumph seeing as Spock refused to let the referee touch him.

"Here is your winner and _new_ IPWE Champion: Spock Surak!" The announcer called and people cheered.

Spock and McCoy left the ring arm in arm.

McCoy found Pike backstage and cornered him. "Just what the hell do you think you're playin' at Chris? Pittin' Spock an' I against each other. That was probably the stupidest move you've ever made."

The cameras were trained on the trio, Pike trapped between McCoy's arms and the wall, and Spock standing slightly behind McCoy, the belt over his shoulder.

"People want to see interesting things, I figured the happiest couple in the IPWE needed to be knocked down a peg or two." Pike shrugged, not impressed by McCoy's display of physicality.

"You make another stupid move like that and I'll put _you_ through a fu- table." McCoy warned, the sensors blocking out his cursing to the audience. "You're only lucky I'm a wrestler, not a doctor. Cause I'm sure that if I was a doctor, I'd be able to do all kinds of things to you and make it look like an accident." McCoy smirked.

Pike nodded and McCoy let him go.

"Well, I don't think he'll be bothering you guys for a while." They turned to see Jim walking toward them, holding and ice pack to the back of his head.

"Did anybody ever tell you guys you're a force to be reckoned with? You'd give Chulu a run for their credits. Hell, I'm sure you two would make great Tag Team Champs." Jim said, grinning.

"Ya know kid, that ain't a bad idea." McCoy said thoughtfully.

"It would solidify our status as the most dominant couple in the IPWE." Spock agreed.

"Let's go find Sulu and Chekov; maybe they'll let us have a match in a couple of weeks?" McCoy said smiling.

"That would be agreeable ashayam." Spock said.

The two walked off to look for the current Tag Team Champions.

* * *

><p>Please R&amp;R! I may write a sequel where Spock and Bones go after the tag team titles. Lemme know what you think!<p> 


End file.
